i just want to be alone.. 

but when im alone.. and i want is to be comforted by someone.. 

but when i try to find that comfort.. nobody seems to say the right things.. 

maybe there is no right thing to say right now??

maybe this is just one of those things where time is the only medicine.. 

all i know is that today when ever anybody hugged me.. all i wanted to do was cry.. 

and i dont cry very easy.. 

right now my eyes are so watery its crazy.. 

i just want to be with him right now.. 

its so hard when two people want completely different things.. 

i need you so bad right now.. 

i feel so alone right now its unbelievable.. 

i know he's going through his own right now, but i need him.. 

nobody else relates to me or understands me the way he does.. 

i want nothing more then to be there for him.. and in this situation 

there is literally nothing i can do.. 

today i broke down crying.. and i couldn't even tell you why.. 

just everything mashed together made me break down.. 

like everything i was feeling was running through my head... 

and none of it was coming out right... 

that was making me more irritated.. 

i feel so alone.. useless.. irritated.. hurt.. mad.. scared.. 

so many things.. 

my mind is just all over the place.. 

i havent been this depressed in such a long time.. 

i hate it.. 

HATE IT.

"And I Hope You Know You Aint Never Too Live To Die.."- Lil Wayne..

Everyone really needs to realize how short and precious life really is.. 

Little stupid fights with ones you love really aren't worth it.. 

You never know.. Their time could be up any moment.. 

And you don't want the last memory you have with them to be bad.. 

A mother should never have to go and identify the body of her son.. 

A mother should never have to bury her child's body.. 

Or have to set up their service.. I just want to know why God takes the life's of young ones.. 

Ones whose life hasn't even gotten started!? Someone who is loved.. Because when you take them away.. 

It's hurting so many people.. Whether you were close to them, or you know someone who was close to them.. 

It still hurts everyone.. If you were the one close to them.. Then your dealing with an indescribable pain.. 

If you know the person who was close to them.. Then you have to watch a loved one suffer.. Knowing there's nothing you can do or say to make it better.. You feel so useless.. All you can do is let them know your there.. 

Death is one of the greatest pain anyone can imagine.. Knowing you'll NEVER see them again.. NEVER hear their voice again.. Feel their touch.. Nothing.. They're gone!!! ANGER IRRUPTS INSIDE OF YOU.. It's just not good.. There's so much to say.. Yet nothing to say.. 

YOU GUYS ARE LOVED AND MISSED.. AND I KNOW YOU KNOW IT.. 

GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN.. 

YOU WERE TAKEN WAY BEFORE YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN.. 

YOUR MISSED ALREADY..

I'm mentally and physically exhausted... 

I'm so burnt from this weekend.. 

My emotions are all over the place.. 

I really do need tomorrow off to get myself together.. 

Friday doesn't count cause that's when the chaos started.. 

I feel so terrible.. 

I want nothing more then to what I can for him.. 

And in reality there's nothing I can say or do to make him feel any better.. 

Things are doing nothing but going down hill for me..  

5th periods conversation

So today I found myself in a pretty hilarious conversation with Angelina, Kamri, Tamina, and Dasieeeee. Basically we came to the conclusion that we would rather NOT wear clothes at all. It's a lot more comfortable. Personally I hate wearing shirts.. I feel so uncomfortable in them! Like I'm being caged in. ahaha. Tamina hates.. well.. I won't go there but yea.. Aha. When I asked around, a lot more people preferred not wearing clothes! Matthew made a good point that it's just another thing to judge people on. And I completely agree. If everyone had no choice but to be.. nude.. then everyone would feel a lot better about their body image. I think more bodies of all types would be more widely accepted.. Of course there are a few flaws in nudity.. Our weather for example. =]

haha we i just thought it was interesting that more people would rather be nakey.. =]

like me angelina tamina and kamri. 

Ive been sick for two weeks now!

count em. 

TWO. 

I hate being sickkkk . 

I've been missing school like no tomorrow and thats not kool. 

unlike everybody else, i prefer to be at school. 

not being there irritates me. 

fever. sore throat. stuffy nose. 

cough. headaches. 

the whole bit.. 

NOT CRACKIN!!!

sore arms.

my arms are sooo sore.. 

i used a different bat yesterday at the batting cages 

and now my arms are super sore. 

sucks. 

now i have to go to tumbling with sore arms. 

not the best thing to do.