*Forbidden

I knew him for 3 years. He was my best friend, my rock, the one who held me together when I needed it the most. No, he wasn’t the one I fell deeply in love with. Instead I fell in love with his cousin, who was his God brother. But according to my best friend they were brothers, not cousins. I had always heard about this “brother” of his but never really cared to meet him. However, in January of my Freshman year I met him in person for the first time.
Just like any other day after school, I was with my best friend Mikey. We were getting ready to go home when all of a sudden he tells me we need to wait because he had to tell his brother Chris something before we left. At this point I was a little bit confused because I had no idea at all that he even went to school with us. So we walked up to Chris and Mikey told him what ever it was that he needed to say. I don’t remember exactly what it was because all I remember thinking is, “Hm. This isn’t what I expected. He’s to...” I couldn’t even finish my thought. There was no word to describe him. There was something about his eyes. They were so dark. They made me curious to know what was behind them. I wouldn’t really call it “love at first sight.” More like lust or just plain curiosity. Bottom line, I was attracted.
Later that night I did my normal routine. Went home, did my homework, Myspaced a little bit, and called Mikey. Even though I did my normal drill, I couldn’t get those dark, mysterious eyes out of my mind. When Mikey picked up we had our normal pointless conversation. When we finally ran out of things to talk about and laugh at, I brought up his brother. I was still curious.
I finally decided to stop being scared and ask about his brother. I asked him what his name was and what grade he was in. I thought I sounded pretty calm. I guess I was wrong. In the way Mikey had answered me I could tell he wasn’t pleased with my appearent interest in his brother. But I couldn’t stop talking about him. It was like word vomit. The next thing I knew I was telling Mikey about how cute I thought Chris was! Mikey decided to turn this into a big joke and use it against me. He told me that for the rest of the school year Chris would be living with him! I was so scared when I thought that Mikey would tell him. But I guess I was scared for no reason.
The next night was the first night that Chris would be staying with Mikey. Mikey was on myspace and just happened to be talking to me. Chris asked who I was and Mikey responded with, “my best friend.” Chris had said I was cute! That I had a pretty face! When Mikey told me this I acted like I didn’t care. But I was ecstatic inside, and I knew Mikey could tell. The night after was a Friday so Mikey was at his girlfriends house leaving Chris there by himself. He requested to be my friend and I accepted. He commented one of my pictures so I commented one of his in return. About five minutes later I got a message from him. My heart started beating so hard and so fast. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face even if I wanted to. His message said, “Thanks for the love. What’s up?” He had mentioned that he was at Mikey’s house if I wanted to call him. I tried to play it slick and said that if he wanted to talk he could call me. So I gave him my number. This way he had my number even after he left Mikey’s. He replied with some smart comment and the next thing I knew, my phone was ringing. That was the beginning of the end.
That night we talked for 7 hours. It’s like we never ran out of things to talk about. He kept me laughing and smiling the whole time. My cheeks hurt so bad! After 7 hours he told me that he was going home for the weekend if he could call me when he got home. My automatic response with out even thinking twice was yes. So about forty-five minutes later he called me and we continued to talk. That night we didn’t get off the phone till around 4:30 in the morning. I was so tired, but it seemed like I couldn’t put the phone down. I mean, how could I when I was having such a good time?
The following Monday I said hi to him and we were acting like we had known each other forever instead of just getting to know each other the past weekend. Chris was still staying with Mikey so we talked pretty much every night on Mikey’s phone. He was okay with Chris being on his phone all the time. Well at least he was until he found out it was me he was talking to. Then Mikey started getting mad and saying he needed the phone all the time. But Chris had his ways and some how we always ended up on the phone still. Even though I loved the fact that me and Chris were getting closer, it bothered me that me and Mikey were drifting apart. And I knew that Mikey didn’t like it either. But somehow my growing relationship with Chris made everything seem better.
The closer I got to Chris, the less everything seemed to matter. All of our late night talks made me fall crazy in love with him. He had become my best friend in a matter of months. In this short time I had this unusual trust. The feelings that I had grown for him started to scare me because it was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I was more comfortable with him then I had been with anybody else. Nobody made me feel the way he did. I was totally myself around him. When my close friends started catching on that we were talking as more then friends, they all asked the same questions. How is he? What is he like? Do you really like him? And when ever they asked, all I could say was, “He’s amazing.” Because that’s what he was. He was amazing. Definitely not perfect, but perfect for me.
In all of our late night talks, the one thing we never talked about was our age or our birthdays. One night we were talking and he was telling me about how excited he was that his birthday was coming up. How happy he was that he was about to be 17. About to be 17, one year away from a legal adult. That’s when reality hit. 17... And I was only 14. I wouldn’t be 15 for another 4 months. When I told him how old I was he was in shock. That’s when he told me that he really liked me a lot, but that we couldn’t be together. There was too much of an age difference. He explained to me that even though I’m on his level mentally, in a lot of other ways I wasn’t where he was yet. And as much as it broke my heart, I knew he was right. But I was in love and so was he. So even though we need we shouldn’t, we kept talking. Mikey hated it, I was hurting him and I knew it. But Chris ment so much to me. And Mikey loved both of us, so he sucked it up and supported us.
It seemed like the rest of the school year flew by. I had so much fun with Chris. We made so many memories, both over the phone and in person. Before I knew it, he was gone. Being a senior, he got out one week earlier then everyone else. I remember his last day we had planned to spend together because we thought we wouldn’t see each other for a pretty long time. It turns out that my mom had to pick me up because she had plans. At the time she didn’t know about him, or his age for that matter, so I couldn’t tell her that I had already had plans. So when it was time to leave, I got in my mom’s car and almost broke my neck watching him fade into the distance. My eye’s got watery but I couldn’t let my mom see and risk having her know. So I wiped my eyes and acted like nothing was wrong when really to me, everything was wrong.
He didn’t call me that night so I figured this would be our clean break. This would be it. What almost was would be the best thing I would get out of this and that terrified me. The thought of just losing one of my now closest friends made me want to roll over and die. But once again I was scared for nothing. He called me the next night. I told him how I felt about losing him and he reassured me that he wasn’t going anywhere and even though it would be hard to see each other, he would made it happen because he didn’t want to lose me either. That was enough to make my day, better then that, my whole year. So we continued to talk.
We didn’t see each other for three long weeks. It seemed like forever since I’d seen him. When one Saturday we decided to meet up and go see a movie. I decided to break down and tell my mom the truth about him, well almost all the truth. I told her I had been talking to this guy who I really liked. I told her I hadn’t seen him since school got out and I wanted her to take me to the movies to see him. She agreed and took me. She dropped me off at Capital Theaters. When I got there Chris came to the car to come and get me and say hi to my mom. She had met Chris before and already had her suspicions about him. But she never accused me of liking him, or knew his age. When she saw who I was talking about she looked at me and just told me to be careful. Then it was just me and him. When she drove away he gave me the biggest hug ever. One of those bear hugs where you get lifted off the floor. It felt so good to be in his arms again. All of a sudden I felt really warm, and more happy then I had been in a while.
Our movie was perfect. Our few hours made my whole week. Nothing else was going to top it. When I got home my mom had questions. I knew it was going to come sooner or later. She asked me how old he was and when I told her she looked like I had kicked her in the stomach. She was not happy. She wanted to talk to him. Chris wasn’t going to be disrespectful so he respectfully agreed. The first question my mom asked was, “How did this all start?” He responded with, “Well, I never knew how old she was till it was too late. What I mean by to late is I had already grown feelings for her. I already had fallen for her. I couldn’t throw that away.” My mom’s usually a good judge of character. She’s usually right on point when it comes to stuff like that. Later that night she told me, “Raech. I see the way he looks at you. I’ve been seeing it since you’ve been telling me that, ‘he’s just a friend.’ He really cares about you so I’m just telling you to be really careful. Be smart and don’t let things get carried away.” When my mom told me that, it really hit me. I have something really good.
With in the next few days, Chris had made it clear that we were official. I was so happy to be his. To know that I loved somebody who loved me back. It was the best feeling in the world. One of the next time we went to the movies was one of the best moments in my life and I won’t ever forget it. We were just sitting, watching our movie, when all of a sudden I feel him watching me. Just staring. I turned and looked at him and asked him what he was looking at. He just looked at me, straight in my eyes and told me he loved me. Then he leaned his head down and lightly kissed me. Now, this wasn’t our first kiss, but this kiss was special. I can’t put my finger on it, but for some reason it was. When he pulled away I just looked at him. It was like our eyes were locked on each other. That was the first time I ever looked into somebody’s eyes and actually felt something. Something amazing. At that moment I felt on top of the world. Nothing could bring me down. The feeling I got actually scared me. Like the silly little girl I am, I closed my eyes. Yes, pretty immature of me. But I closed my eyes. When I finally opened them I looked at him and told him I loved him too. I didn’t tell him because I felt like I had to, I didn’t tell him because I could. I told him because I ment it. I loved Chris. I loved him more then any of my other boyfrieds. That was the first time I ever looked into somebody’s eyes and told them what I felt. And the way I felt was indescribable.
Chris was my first love. The first guy I ever felt strong, real, and sometimes scary feelings for. He’s forever I memory I will always have. I’m so appreciative of him because he made me grow up. He was the one who was there for me when nobody else was. He was my best friend and my boyfriend. He was perfect for me. And he’s still here for me to this day and I’m so grateful I have him.